Happy Halloween!

OK, so it's not an official holiday but it should be the way the stores hock all the crap for it. Don't get me wrong - I decorate the house (albeit a lot less than when our son was little) and we pass out treats (until the big kids start coming, then it's lights out). But there's just something strange about how it's so hyped. Of course, the stores simultaneously put out Halloween decorations & Christmas decorations, so what do I know.

There's a neat website, Ghosts, Critters, & Sacred Places of Oregon & Washington just perfect for perusing today.

OK, what's in my candy cauldron?? There's butterfinger, kitkat, reese's peanut butter cups, almond joy (my fave), snickers, mounds, baby ruth, peppermint patties, some licorice (red, not black), and gummy eyeballs. Hey, naming all these candy bars made me remember this old thing:


Sex & Candy

It was another Payday, and I was tired of being a Mr.Goodbar. So I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue, and I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetart, how'd you like to Krunch on my Big Hunk for a Hundred Thousand Dollar Bar?"

Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and, Uno, it was like pure Almond Joy. I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds 'cause it was easy to see this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold back a Snicker and a Krackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream: "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!"

Soon she was fondling my Peter Paul and Zagnuts and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milkduds clear to Mars and gave her a taste of the old Milky Way.

She asked if I was into M&M but I said, "Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff"-- and then I said, "Look, you little Reese's Pieces! Don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you just take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit O'Honey?" (and oh, boy, what a piece of Juicyfruit she was, too).

She screamed, "Oh, Crackerjack, you're better than the Three Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.

Well, I was givin' it to her Good 'n' Plenty when,all of a sudden ... my Starburst. As luck would have it, she started to grow a bit Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach.

Sure enough, nine months later,

out popped a Baby Ruth.



And with that, safe & happy trick-or-treating.